The Troll

It has amused me for the longest time that Taufik loves to scowl and say to me, "I am so cross now Mommy." His arms crossed tightly across his chest. Or if he was furious he would say rather loudly, "I am mad now Mommy."

His eyes would be burrowed under his fierce looking eyebrows, little lips in a tight pout...a fierce looking monster. Totally adorable.

But this business of scowling at me has been going on for some time now, though I do encourage him to express himself, I thought a little leash on that scowling would do him some good.

And so I told him that people who were mad all the time were unhappy people. Sulking, moodiness, and whining made an unhappy person. Wouldnt you like to be a happy person? I would ask him. It wasnt really very effective so yesterday I tried a new tack.

"You know darling, people who scowl all the time will end up looking ugly like a troll when they grow up." "Would you like to be a handsome man, or would you rather look like an ugly Troll."

"Mommy, I want to be a handsome man." he said rather worriedly. "Then you should smile a lot." I said to him. "He quickly looked up at me and gave me a fake smile.

Now he is terrified of looking like a troll. Today when he started doing his troll thing, I shuddered rather exagerratedly and said, "Oh my gosh, when you're a man everyone is going to say, oh he doesnt look like a man, that's a troll and they will all run away from you, frightenned for their lives."

He didnt like that one bit, and sure thing a fake smile lit up his face. He was a 3 year old boy, very determined to grow into a handsome man.

Laughing like a witch.

As usual, at the end of the day I am either finishing up my kitchen chores, or cooking up Taufik's dinner or even both at the same time.

Tonight, Taufik, as he has been doing so recently, hangs out at the balcony enjoying Chichi's company. He would lie on top of Chichi, or next to Chichi, stroking, pinching, thumping, basically annoying Chichi. Occasionally, he would urge Chichi to eat up his Science Diet biscuits.

I noticed that something had fallen, a pail, Taufik must have knocked it off. I saw that my son was a little alarmed and was trying to quickly, though he pretended to be calm, open the glass door. I was feeling rather cheeky and gave a little shout. He was petrified, shocked and screamed, "Mommmmmmyyyyy!"

He wrenched the glass door open and ran into the kitchen, wrapping his little body around my legs. I laughed or perhaps a better description would be to say that I cackled like a witch. And he didnt like that one bit.

"Don't laugh, Mommy." he pleaded.
"Why not? Do you prefer that I am angry and shouting or laughing?" I queried.
I truly wondered which one he would choose and had to chuckle quietly when he said, "I want you to smile Mommy. Can you smile for me?" He peeked up at me to see me smiling away at him.

I'm thinking Mommy

It's been two weeks now since I've booked the three of us a ticket back to Malaysia. I happily told Taufik this.

And so, as usual we have our morning and afternoons drive to and from school, filled with daily chats, story telling and singing. Unusually so, on some of these sessions Taufik seemed retrospective and silent. It had me rather worried, though I was also glad for the quiet. A little bit of rest you know, especially when it's a busy day with lots of things to do flying around in my head. But still, it bothered me that he was quiet, and so I asked, "What's wrong darling? Anything wrong? Why are you so quiet?

His answer, "I'm thinking Mommy."

"What are you thinking of?"

"I'm thinking of Malaysia. I am going to Malaysia."

"What about Malaysia?"

"I'm going to be there for many many days. Five days!!!" He says excitedly, putting up five fingers at me with a big smile.

"You're going to be in Malaysia for more days than that. You're going to be there for 10 days!!!"
I say with a smile.

Banana Bucks - "I want a string ray"

We went to Tesco today and he wanted me to buy him a sting ray toy. Oh how I wanted to buy that sting ray for him, he has been wanting it for the longest time. But always he got distracted by some other toy. And so sting ray was left behind to be purchased on another day.

Today seemed like a good day.

But I have just started using a reward system called the "Banana Bucks". I've printed out Banana Bucks currencies for him, which he earns everytime he behaves well. Like leaving a friend's house when I tell him it is time to leave. Or to pick up his toys after he is done playing with them. Or having a bath when I tell him to and getting out of bath when I tell him to. Things like that.

I must say it is doing wonders. He has visible improved as the day passes. For the first week, he earned a total of 11 banana bucks. And this week, this being only a Wednesday he has earned 10 Banana Bucks.

Coming up with a reward for each significant amount of Banana Bucks achieved, I realise is a process of trial and error. I am not sure what goodies would really be a reward to him. Last week, the rewards were in this proportion;

5 Banana Bucks - Stationery, such as a set of stickers, coloured pens, mini note book etc.
10 Banana Bucks - Sugary candy AND stationery
15 Banana Bucks - An inexpensive toy of his choice at Toys R Us

This week when I suggested the same system of rewards, he balked. Taufik said to me, "But I already have stickers and candies. I dont need anymore." Okay the child is not greedy. What should I do?

The rewards this time around,
5 Banana Bucks - Stationery
10 Banana Bucks - 3 automated rides
15 Banana Bucks - Sting Ray + Automated Ride

If he is able to achieve these targets easily I will include a new reward for 20 Banana Bucks. I think a good reward would be a trip to Yoyo Land with a friend or with Mommy and Far.

So, when we went to Tesco today, I braised myself for a hurricane tantrum when I told him that he can buy the Sting Ray of course he could, with his Banana Bucks on Friday if he has 15 Banana Bucks. I felt weak, I wanted to give him that String Ray so much, but I did not budge.

And he didnt really resist, he asked me twice more if he could have the Sting Ray please, but accepted it when repeated my answer to him. I was so proud of the both of us.

It's been a challenge keeping my temper in check. He is trying me everyday, each and every request is met with a resistant. "Taufik, put on your pyjamas now please." I hear the exasperation in my voice. I find myself repeating the request. I find myself sounding like a nag. And I dislike it so.

I am at a loss. What do I do? How can I change this vicious cycle Taufik and I are in? I need to be more patient, and at times I am most patient, I just need to be more patient consistently, persistently.

Mornings and afternoons, are drives from and to school are such a joy. My son is not running around, and refusing to do something. If there are any arguments at all, it's the two of us negotiating on the storytelling for the day.

Him requesting for a story to be told, me saying that I am tired. Or I would say, "just one story" to which he would happily agree. But now for some time, he has volunteered to tell me stories. It took a lot of encouragement, and it began since he first started school, last year in September. Two months short of a year ago. I coaxed him into telling me a story before I told him a story. In the beginning the story was just "There was a cat, and the cat died." But now we have to progressed to proper stories with plots, twists and character development. The fat old tiger, the hungry lion, the silly frog...fought, hit, killed, stabbed...yeah pretty violent stories. Inspired by the hunter killing the big bad wolf with his knife to get grand mother and little red riding hood out. Not to mention the terrible boiling big bad wolf had when he tried to clamber down the pig's chimney in three little pigs.

He tells me such colourful stories. Such imaginative stories. And I am happy to see all our story telling sessions and chats paying off. All that talking, has finally culminated in the imaginative child that Taufik is.