Back from Malaysia

We got back from Malaysia late last night. My pretty little daughter was really stinky from all the sweat and smells she absorbed while travelling back. I am amazed at how well the two children behaved throughout this very very very trying trip. And I am grateful to Allah (SWT) for keeping their disposition sweet.

I am slowly coming to grips with our recent loss. My dear step father, Ismail bin Bidin. What a man he was and I will surely miss him. I have been praying ardently for his well being in Akhirah and so has Taufik. His precious Atuk. Taufik keeps asking me, "Do you miss Atuk, Mommy." or "Are you still sad that Atuk is gone, Mommy." Yes to both questions. A sad and heavy yes.

When I first heard the news of his death, the tears just poured down my cheeks and my son ran up and climbed his way into my arms. Then he pushed my glasses up, and wiped away my tears with his little chubby hands saying, "Don't worry Mommy, we will soon see Atuk in Jannah. Don't be sad okay?" I told him, "I am so sad, because I will miss him so much until we meet again." He hugged me tight and wiped more tears away. My sweet, sweet tender son.

Has he learned to love, from the way he was loved? If so, I am so full of happiness.

The events following the death of my step-father shook me to the core. It forced me to evaluate the things and people I value so much in my life. To see them in a different light, to view them in a different perspective. This paradigm shift has been much to take. I went through heartbreak, disappointment and slowly I am reconciling my feelings to these new changes.

These things I found out about my family are new to me, but they have been these things all along. Truly, sometimes it takes just an event for you to learn a thousand things about a person, that you may never know in a whole life time.

And so I find, despite the hurt and disappointment, I find myself reconciling to these new facts.

If I could says one thing to them without fear of being spurned and hated for eternity, and without the doubt that I might be saying something unIslamic I would say :-

God Forbid

God forbid that Khatijah (RA), Rasul's wife should have been a businesswomen dealing with men in her transactions.

God forbid that Aisha (RA) as a widow should have led a military campaign despite being a woman.

God forbid that Islamic scholars should sit at the knees of the prophet's wives in order to gain deeper Islamic knowledge.

God forbid that our grandmother should have been a headmistress of a school.

God forbid that I should accuse members of my family of hypocrisy and double standards...and so surely so that I may not...

all the women in my family who aspires to head divisions, department, corporations or even for that matter the country, should resign themselves quietly to their homes.

For surely, God forbid that my mother should be able to run a mere small orphanage.

Oh how you would say the truth, if only the truth was not so painful to hear.

Nina Bobo